Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
