sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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