my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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