Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
