Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

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  (805): she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu http://tfl.nu/ucad
  Replies (12) Good night (7468) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  honey bunches of taint.

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  (716): honey bunches of taint. http://tfl.nu/msqz
  Replies (11) Good night (1162) Bad night (2823)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.

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  (312): Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer. http://tfl.nu/54ng
  Replies (19) Good night (8249) Bad night (958)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.

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  (281): After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses. http://tfl.nu/xdpj
  Replies (23) Good night (5206) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.

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  (979): What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls. http://tfl.nu/5u5z
  Replies (23) Good night (984) Bad night (5397)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom

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  (608): i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom http://tfl.nu/an7n
  Replies (57) Good night (758) Bad night (5250)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.

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  (407): I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care. http://tfl.nu/n9k1
  Replies (14) Good night (4869) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.

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  (214): I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room. http://tfl.nu/9wgv
  Replies (7) Good night (4392) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.

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  (605): Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer. http://tfl.nu/o6i1
  Replies (2) Good night (1379) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit

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  (815): I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit http://tfl.nu/a7ne
  Replies (13) Good night (985) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.

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  (502): I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this. (502): Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward. http://tfl.nu/u5vx
  Replies (11) Good night (2137) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.

  (1-504): View more from Louisiana

  Oh shit. This is getting real.

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  (504): Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning. (1-504): Oh shit. This is getting real. http://tfl.nu/zlj3
  Replies (8) Good night (1352) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.

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  (814): Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud. http://tfl.nu/jy38
  Replies (6) Good night (458) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants

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  (610): Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants http://tfl.nu/tsrf
  Replies (4) Good night (479) Bad night (971)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.

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  (617): ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles. http://tfl.nu/rw8b
  Replies (4) Good night (650) Bad night (370)

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