Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"