I cannot find my penis.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else