Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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