guess who came home with a hottie last night
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.