ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.