he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
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He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.