I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.