I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Watching her eat just hurts me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
