I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
