so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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