I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
