Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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