I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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