hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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