Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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