I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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