Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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