theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
