covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
