I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
