i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So many bounce houses so little time
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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