Define "chronic" masturbator.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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