i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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