wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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