i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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