My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
