I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
