he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
whose parrot is this?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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