I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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