I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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