i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
