youre lurking in front of me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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