were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
