lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
