she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the day after is always just damage control
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
