How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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