Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
