My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
