Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
