He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize