Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
