Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He has the fingertips of a God
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