New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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