I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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