Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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