she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
