I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
