Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
