U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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