We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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