I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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