come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
