also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
