I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
