Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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