I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
