The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
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