when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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