I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
40s are totally the cure
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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