I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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