This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
