Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
