How'd it feel making her break her religion?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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