So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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