There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
