The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
did you just send me my own nude
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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