We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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