Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
