dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
