your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
