Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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