its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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