god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
