Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
