He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
