I want to walk on stilts...naked
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
