Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
