im having a threesome with these popsicles
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
